The Letter

Give God an opportunity to reconcile a relationship and heal your brokenness through writing a letter. This process can be used with your spouse, a grandparent, an abuser, a sibling, anyone who has hurt you. I will illustrate with the mother daughter relationship, since that often can be a difficult one.

Many mothers and daughters have struggles in their relationship. We often clash during our youth and these problems often bring resentments into our adult relationship. Usually after having children of our own we can become much more understanding of the sacrifice our own mothers gave to raise us.

On the other hand, some mothers do not parent well. Their bad choices impacted us in our childhood leaving a lingering bitterness into our adult lives. Often this can be due to the parenting they received growing up.

I found this letter writing process an effective way to heal my past shame and reconcile my relationships. When I took the time to understand the decisions my mother made I could choose to make different choices regarding my own parenting, ending the generational sin that often repeats.

I also recognized the sacrifices my mother made as I wrote her letter, which gave me a new appreciation for her. As I communicated compassion for her struggles our relationship grew into a loving respectful friendship.

I adore my mother. I now have much more understanding of her childhood when she lost her mother to cancer at ten years old. She was raised by a critical, opinionated aunt who never allowed my mother to mourn the death of her mother and never showed compassion or empathy for her loss.

I discovered that my mother felt unworthy of my father’s love because of a past sin. She allowed my father to emotionally and physically abandon both her and us children with his pornography, alcoholism, work and infidelity.

Today my mother and I have a close,  loving relationship with compassion and understanding due to the healing power of Jesus that came from taking the time to write her a letter.

Understand the following:
Your writing is confidential. Do not plan to give the letter to the person you’re writing to.

Find a quiet place with no distractions. Consider a place where you feel nurtured. This may be inside, outside, at the park or beach.

Do not hold back in expressing on paper your thoughts, memories and feelings.

Write without worrying how to spell words or use correct grammar. After you write down all that God reveals, put the letter away.

Be in constant prayer that Jesus would heal your heart and your relationship.

There are five parts to writing this letter to heal your pain.
First part of the letter:
Write about your hurtful experiences you remember. Ask Jesus to reveal what you need to know to heal you from the bondage of your past and restore your relationship. Pray in Jesus name for him to lead you in your writing, to reveal your past pain that’s holding you captive, and ask him to heal you .

Second part of the letter:
Write a letter of understanding. Hurt people hurt people. Think about how the person who hurt you may have been hurt themselves. Remember a mother generally does the best job she can and is capable of at the time. Most often the sins and offenses that she experienced she passed onto you.

Third part of the letter:
Write a letter of forgiveness for each offense. Pray for Jesus to help you forgive. Forgiveness is a process that takes time. Once you begin the process to try to forgive then you are taking steps in the right direction of healing. Unforgiveness is like poison it hurts the one who drinks it.

Fourth part of the letter:
Write a letter of appreciation for all that your mother did do for you. Look for the good in the situation. Maybe you have more compassion on others and the suffering they are going through.

Fifth part of the letter:
Write a final letter to honor your mother. Express understanding of your pain, compassion for what she went through, appreciation for what she was capable of giving you at the time, forgiveness for the pain she caused you, and a desire for a close relationship.

May God bless your obedience to bring healing and reconciliation to your relationships.

God’s Word To Live By:

Matthew 25:3
Therefore, if you are offering your gift at the altar and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there in front of the altar. First go and be reconciled to your brother; then come and offer your gift.

1 Peter 3:8,9
Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult, but with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit a blessing.

Colossians 3:12-14
Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience. Bear with each other and forgive whatever grievances you may have against one another. Forgive as the Lord forgave you. And over all these virtues put on love, which binds them all together in perfect unity.

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