Unhealthy Patterns

Daisy was a career woman who never wanted children. She had been abandoned to relatives by her mother and father during her school years growing up. Their intentions were to give her a proper education by going to the city school of Panora, Iowa instead of the local country school, but Daisy felt rejected by her distant parents.

At thirteen, when Daisy lost her mother to breast cancer, her father married another woman with children and permanently abandoned Daisy to relatives.

Daisy had not been nurtured by her mother prior to her death nor was she nurtured by her grandparents and aunt, on her mother’s side of the family, when she moved in with them after her father remarried.

It follows then that Daisy would not be the nurturing mother figure for her two nieces after their mother’s death. Admired for the sacrifice she made to raise them, she was unable to emotionally give them the comfort, empathy, and closeness they needed growing up without a mother. Daisy followed the pattern demonstrated by her role models.

It only makes sense then that Daisy’s niece, Patricia, raised her children (me and my siblings) much the same way. Discovering this generational pattern, I have evaluated my own mothering techniques. I have chosen to stay home with my children instead of working outside the home as my mother and Daisy did. I’m now at home available to give my children the emotional and physical attention they need. But it hasn’t been easy.

Unfortunately, I was unaware of my parenting style when my four-year old daughter told me, “Mommy, you love this house more than you love me.” Ouch. That hurt! Thankfully Kayla was perceptive and verbal to share her thoughts with me. I began to change my emphasis from being neurotic about a clean house to putting more focus on my relationships with my children. We have a choice to make when we recognize a negative pattern of behavior that has been passed down from previous generations.

Are you aware of doing something that has been passed on from prior generations?

Prayer: “Search me, O God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts. See if there is any offensive way in me, and lead me in the way everlasting.” Psalm 139:22-24

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